Should I Disclose My Autism at Work?
By: Vanessa Blanchard
Shortly after I found out I was autistic, I got an office job. I chose not to disclose my autism during the interview, opting instead to aim for being agreeable and hardworking.
There were parts of it I really loved. I was a part of something; my contributions helped others succeed. It was fun and purposeful to organize and coordinate with people.
But the office had glass walls and I could hear people shuffling papers and talking all day. There were constant interruptions and demands for masking. I was trying to be tougher than my needs. After just a few weeks, I started burning out.
I started this job wondering if I should disclose my autism to my boss. I hadn’t at first, but once the sensory demands started wearing me down, I approached her. I was determined to do what it took to keep my job.
She said, “I don’t see it.”
From that point on, any time I tried to discuss accommodations or challenges I was having, I was met with suspicion. She didn’t believe me. She framed my requests as laziness and weakness. Like I thought I was too good for the job. She told me that I’d never find a better position and said I was ungrateful.
There wasn’t an HR department to protect me. Less than four months after I started, I was fired.
What I Did Wrong
I started this job as if I had no other choices. Being chronically underemployed, stuck in poverty, and desperate to prove to “others” that I was a real adult, I approached my interview as if it were my only option. I didn’t self-disclose in the interview out of fear of ruining my chances. I didn’t realize that urge to hide myself was a huge red flag.
My need to prove myself as capable had stripped me of all of my negotiation power.
Instead of making sure that I would benefit from the position, I masked and people-pleased, setting up expectations that I couldn’t consistently meet. I presented a false self that was certain to be my undoing.
What I learned:
Most people are dismissive of autism at first.
We live in a “good vibes only” society that values conformity. We have to be productive workers who fall in line. Placing your needs above the expectations of others is borderline blasphemous in these conditions.
Ignoring a person’s needs doesn’t change them. Unmet needs will make themselves known.
My energy and time have value and I should take that effort back from people who don’t earn me. This doesn’t mean I get to walk around acting entitled. It does mean that no one job is ever my only option.
So, Should I Tell My Employer/Boss/Potential Employer?
There isn’t a clear cut answer to this, but I will say that my experience leans towards yes. Will you lose some opportunities? Yes. Many of them, but this doesn’t mean you should change what you’re doing.
The fact that so many workplaces have no idea how to accommodate autistic people is not a reflection of your worth. It’s laziness and misinformation on their part.
Other people’s discrimination isn’t the same as having no power. And for me, this is what disclosure represents. Can I weed out the people who will be wasting my time? Autistic folks are taught that we are burdens who must sacrifice ourselves to prove we are “better now.” That we can keep up. But what good is nailing an interview for a job that will destroy me? How will I eat in six, nine, twelve months if I can’t get out of bed anymore?
So I won’t work in a place that makes me feel unsafe in disclosing. This limits my choices, but saves me a lot of time, pain, and recovery. The more I embrace this, the less it hurts when people react poorly to me. I know me and I’m good with me.
And I know that if someone tells you that you are disposable, they have made the same true of themselves.