Subtle as Thunder: The Two-way road to Coming Out as Autistic to my Employer
By: Matt Medina
The CDC estimates that 1-2% of the population is autistic (1) however, as diagnostic processes improve, and as we come to learn more about the various presentations of autism, we should expect that percentage to increase as it has over the past several decades.
For the suspected 1-2% of us with autism who work, we are told to navigate a space that was never designed with us in mind and to interact with others who expect us to behave in ways that benefit their modes of socializing often at our expense. Autistic people tend to cut to the chase, which, largely, is thought of as rude.
The double empathy problem may explain why neurotypicals and autistics often talk past each other (2).
Also, it’s common for neurotypicals to apply an emotional valence to what autistics say, adding a subtext. The predictable result is that the dispassionate language of the autistic person is thought to carry a callous—if not hostile—meaning that leaves both parties confused and hurt. The autistic employee is left wondering what went wrong while the neurotypical employee feels her autistic peer is a jerk at best or a bully at worst. This is the double empathy problem at work.
While interactions between neurotypes often end in miscommunication, a little understanding goes a long way.
At my last workplace, I found myself having difficulties with some paperwork (an experience many autistics are familiar with). My handful of questions about the paperwork, my style of communication, and, more generally, the way I viewed the world baffled my boss.
So, one morning I decided to come to her office and tell her about my diagnosis. For the reasons outlined above, this isn’t a decision I made lightly. There’s a high margin of failure since many people don’t know much about autism and so looms the risk of discrimination. Still, communication is a two-way road and I felt confident in speaking with my boss.
After telling my boss, her face grew less tense and she apologized. She told me she felt I was being defiant when I was speaking honestly. She has experience with autistics and so she quickly understood my perspective, as well as a neurotypical, could. From that point onward, the tension withered, and our relationship grew closer. She made sure to make her directions thorough for me, and she knew she could leave me to own (eccentric) devices when on the job.
I know I got lucky in that instance. And, honestly, there aren’t many other situations where I’d ever let my boss know about my autism. Unfortunately, the stigma surrounding autism is great. As an autistic person, navigating the workplace feels like I’m always walking on eggshells.
Employers can do a better job to learn about autism and how it manifests. We offer a lot of distinct advantages in employment.
Autistics do their best to act by the unspoken social rules because we need to. What we’re asking is not that people change who they are for us, but that you meet us half-way so that autistics aren’t bearing the brunt of the weight. As it stands, autistics are expected to act neurotypical and are reprimanded for reminding people of their differences. This is inefficient and unsustainable.
However, if neurotypical employers took some time to understand us and to train the staff accordingly, we could live far more harmonious and efficient lives. To me, this sounds far more pleasant.
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