7 Beginners Tips for Autistic Freelancers

By: Vanessa Blanchard

There’s a lot about freelancing that seems overwhelming at first, especially for autistic people who have to deal with executive dysfunction and overwhelm.  On top of that, confidence can be a huge obstacle to freelancing - especially because of autistic tendency to people-please and the socially reinforced idea of our inferiority.  But freelancing can give autistic folks tons of freedom while protecting our autonomy.  For many of us, it’s the best way to develop a career that we’re in control of.

That’s why Spectroomz has decided to release a series of premium blogs that give Spectroomz hub members freelancing tips meant to demystify the process of setting up and running a freelancing business.  Each blog will focus on breaking down a specific topic related to freelancing so that you can get organized and begin operating in a way that respects and meets your needs.

We’re able to create this series because of the support from Spectroomz members (thank you). This post, however, is open to everyone.

To start, we’ll give you 7 beginners tips that will also help introduce some of the other topics we’ll cover more in-depth in the future.

Freelancing Tips for Autistic Adults

1. Decide on the Product or Service You’ll Offer

Take inventory of your interests, skills, experiences, and needs to help you find the right career path to pursue.  Also take note of what you’ll need to succeed, obstacles you’ll face, and patterns you’ve noticed (i.e. times when you’re most productive). 

This is a practice you can revisit if you need to pep-talk yourself, touch base with your goals, or adjust your approach to something.

Use the information you generate from taking inventory to decide on the structure of your freelancing business.  For example, how many meetings can you manage a week?  What volume of work can you consistently deliver on?  What exactly are you offering clients?

You can learn more about this process by taking the course, How to Find a Job When You’re Autistic, in the Spectroomz hub.

2. Set Yourself Up for Success

Freelancing is overwhelming because you’re throwing yourself headfirst into running a whole business.  If you take some time to research freelancing in general, and to research your freelancing in industry, then you’ll be more confident starting out.

There’s also a lot of set up involved in freelancing: 

• You have to gather/create the relevant paperwork (contracts, invoices, taxes, setting up an llc, etc)

• You have to gather your work experience (portfolio, proposals, resume, cover letter templates, etc)

• You have to define your prices, policies, and product/services

• You have to know how to get clients in your industry

We’ll discuss all of this more in our article, “6 Steps to Getting Started as an Autistic Freelancer.” Join as a Spectroomz Hub member to get access.

But for now, start looking into people who are already freelancing in your field.  See if you can find professional websites and analyze how they’re set up.  If you feel comfortable, reach out to a couple of people and ask for informational interviews.  (bonus tip: here’s an article on how to ace the interview as well)

You’ll be able to answer important questions about everything mentioned above with these interviews, so it’s worth being brave and reaching out.  Remember, you can always offer to send a list of questions for them to answer if that’s more comfortable than in-person interviews.

3. Collect Samples of Your Work

Portfolios are a major benefit for autistic people when it comes to freelancing.  They allow you to show your work versus having to mindread your way through resumes and interviews.  The portfolio process demands far less masking.

Collect examples of your best work.  Hobbies count, especially towards the beginning. Use the work you gather to tell a story about you.  This can be done in many ways:

• Create a timeline of growth in your specific skillset

• Demonstrate that you learn proactively and are passionate about your work

• Demonstrate that you’ve got a deep understanding of a specific topic

• Showcase a project that you participated in from start to finish to document how your skills work in practice

Bonus freelancing tip: Putting together a portfolio is a great way to find your first clients.  You can offer reduced rates and request help building your portfolio to encourage people to give you those initial projects.  People like to feel like they’re helping.  Build requests for testimonials and to use certain works into your contract and/or customer service routine.  You can do some of the first jobs as volunteer work, but don’t give too much of your time away for free.

We’ll discuss more strategies for building a portfolio in our article, “How to Build a Portfolio When You’re Autistic”. Join as a Spectroomz Hub member to get access to this article once it’s out.

Spectroomz Can Help!

Writers ✍️!  Spectroomz is putting out a call for submissions for guest posts on our blog.  We believe that this can provide some practice for freelancing writers who are developing their portfolios.  Future posts in this series will include an option to submit your ideas for articles. 

4. Prepare Yourself to Find Clients

Like we mentioned above, different industries will have different ways of finding clients.  For example, book publishers require query letters, while a lot of smaller publications put out calls for submissions (like we did in the last paragraph).  So, you’ll need to learn how to sell your services.  Of course, there are more general tips for freelancers that we can give you: learn about cold emails and how to find freelancing websites for job opportunities.

However, there are also some specific autistic-friendly freelancing tips that feel important to impart:

• Set up contracts that reinforce good boundaries around your services, rates, communication requirements and any other policies you need.  This protects your autonomy and your ability to maintain sustainable work.  It also protects you from some of the sneakier social dynamics that can lead to disappointing experiences.  Plus, it takes a lot of the burden off of you to enforce your boundaries, which can be hard for autistic folks.  You can set this up to reflect very specific sets of instructions for each contract, so that you have all expectations in writing for you to reference.

• Define your ideal client and use that description to set your boundaries and policies.  This is a similar tactic to defining your ideal customer while you decide on branding.  For autistic people, this can help you navigate meeting new people by having determined ahead of time key characteristics that you’re looking for.  Finding clients is about screening people for collaboration compatibility.  Things will be less ambiguous in the moment for you with this step.

• Be prepared to find “bad” clients and adjust your boundaries/policies around what you learn from them.  The same advice applies to being unable to deliver your services properly.  Learn from the mistakes rather than beating yourself up.  Life happens and is messy, it’s okay.

These tips will specifically help autistic freelancers because it establishes you as The Boss and head of your company.  Autistic people face a lot of social discrimination and are often shoved to the bottom of any hierarchy that is established.  Because of social biases, autistic freelancers are at a greater risk for people to try to chip away at our boundaries and policies.  We also tend to internalize other people’s discrimination against us.  

We’ll discuss more ways to find clients in our article, “Ways for Autistic Freelancers to Find Their First Clients.” Join as a Spectroomz Hub member to get access to this article once it’s out.

5. Cultivate Confidence in Yourself

Confidence is going to be a big obstacle for autistic freelancers.  There are a number of social obstacles that autistic people face and we can’t always control that.  The emphasis in this article on setting boundaries is a foundational way you’ll start building confidence in your freelancing career.

But there are other things you can do to build a sense of confidence.  So here are a few tips that you can use to get started:

• Expect mistakes and use them to evolve your business plan.

• Breakdown big tasks and find ways to make things easier and more fun.

• Keep trying even if you feel like a fraud (imposter syndrome is a rough ride, but it’s also rarely accurate)

• Learn to meet your needs rather than judge them (ex: Build skills around executive dysfunction and/or adjust your business model if you have a tendency to procrastinate or difficulty meeting deadlines)

Confidence is like a garden.  It doesn’t grow all at once, and sometimes it doesn’t thrive for strange, elusive reasons. However, cultivation is an ongoing process that learns from the outcomes and always plants the next crop.  Put more directly, building confidence isn’t a straight line type of process.  There are always setbacks, but progress still happens.

We’ll discuss more tactics and practices for gaining confidence in your career in our article, “How to Build Confidence as an Autistic Freelancer.”Join as a Spectroomz Hub member to get access to this article. 

6. Continue Developing Your Skills

Make sure to invest in further training/development for your career.  You can take classes, get certifications, find a mentor, and many other options.  One benefit of investing in career development is that you’re very justified in increasing your rates.  You can also broaden the types of clients you attract.  You might even find that people start reaching out to offer you work instead of you finding them.

You can build the cost of these trainings into your contract and rates.  For example, ensure that your rates are high enough for you to develop skills that interest you.  However, consider also adding to your contract that the client will pay for training materials specific to your work for them.  We strongly advise against doing client-specific training on your personal time.

Spectoomz Can Help!

If you’re excited to get started, check out the Spectroomz Hub.  There are courses on SEO, writing, marketing, and more!  Premium members have full access to all of our courses and premium content (including future articles from this series)!

7. Update Your Portfolio and Resume Often

One of the hardest, most overwhelming parts of freelancing can be networking and finding clients.  This process is so much easier if you keep your portfolios and resumes up to date.  Making small updates as you complete a course/project/other accomplishment means you’ll be half done when it’s time to start reaching out to new folks.  Because honestly, burnout is probably going to play a factor in your job search.  Transitions are hard and many of us have work histories full of stress and trauma.

There are other ways that you can streamline your freelancing functions, specifically to accommodate the overwhelm and executive dysfunction common to autistic and ADHD freelancers.  

We’ll discuss this topic more in our article, “Freelancing Executive Dysfunction Hacks for Autism and ADHD” Join as a Spectroomz Hub member to get access to this article. 

As a Freelancer, You are in Charge

This is your business and you’re The Boss.  That might be an intimidating hat to wear (hello again, imposter syndrome!) but freelancing is often one of the best ways for autistic folks to build stable, sustainable careers. It eliminates most of the hierarchy and politics, and it allows you to build your accommodations into your business model 

A quick note from the writer: As I give you these tips on freelancing, I have to admit that I wish there were more supports or ways to collaborate/share the burden of operating a whole business like this. It seems an unfair burden to ask us to do this given the types of disabilities common to autism (i.e. executive dysfunction and ADHD).  Until then, I really hope that this series of articles can empower you on your journey.  Good luck! 🖤

About the writer

I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America.. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.

12 Autistic Adults Answer - How To Tell Your Child About Their Autism Diagnosis [including scripts]

These are selected answers provided anonymously to parents who chose to get the full picture and ask autistic adults through Spectroomz Ask An Autistic Adult. We strongly recommend reading everything.

The question submitted:

“Hi! Our child is turning 6 and we think he’s not aware he’s autistic. We didn’t tell him. He is highly intelligent and verbal with adults and in a regular pre-school with non-autistic kids. He should start first grade next year on a regular school. We were wondering what would be the best timing and way to tell him about it. How was it like for you?”

Answer #1 - “It’s never too early to celebrate your little one’s neurology and individual personality so that they can know their authentic selves”

Short answer, yes! Finding out you're autistic can be a little jarring at first, but mostly it comes with a ton of understanding. That understanding prepares the autistic person to face the world on fair terms. For example, knowing helps us understand why we feel so different sometimes. Knowing also helps us learn about our unique sensory and development needs and prevents us from developing intense masking habits that lead to mental illness and burnout. I recommend the book All Cats Are on the Autism Spectrum because it is a fun, age-appropriate way to introduce the topic without creating a sense of embarrassment or alienation. It’s never too early to celebrate your little one’s neurology and individual personality so that they can know their authentic selves. Best wishes to you and your family!

Answer #2 - “You telling him that he is autistic, could help him understand that miscommunications happen not because there is something wrong with him, but because autistic people think and feel things differently

Hi, 

Your description resonates a lot with my own story. I was just like your son. In fact, I finished high school and college with stellar grades without knowing I was autistic. He will be able to do it, but not without struggling emotionally. The best time to tell your son that he is autistic, is now. He may not know that he is different, right now. He may not fully understand it until years down the road. But I can assure you he feels it, he experiences the impact of the differences, every day. Childhood is a critical time to nourish your child’s self esteem and self love. And every time that he struggles to keep a friendship, or read a social situation, will be engraved in his memory as a fault of his. You telling him that he is autistic, could help him understand that miscommunications happen not because there is something wrong with him, but because autistic people think and feel things differently. They sometimes think and feel more, or less, than most people.

Regarding the best way to tell him, my opinion is informed by how I would have liked to find out, and my experience as an early learning educator. An autistic child always understands the world better when it is explained in tangible terms, not metaphors. Therefore, I would begin by explaining the Brain as a body part that we cannot see but it is inside our heads. Show him pictures, or videos. I would tell him everyone has a Brain, that we use it to think, and feel, and learn. I would then introduce him to the word “autistic”, by mentioning that his Brain is different, because he is autistic. Be prepared to explain to him that not all people are autistic, other people are non-autistic. And then I would explain that he is probably very good at doing some things, and not so good at doing other things, and that is okay. Being autistic, like he is, means he can feel different from his peers, but he is still a child like they are. Remind him gently that whenever he struggles at doing something, he can ask someone to help him. Give him a list of people he can pointedly ask questions to. 

I applaud your decision to ask questions, to be informed about the best way to raise your child. 

Best of luck in this process. And as a gentle reminder, have infinite patience, with yourselves and with him. 

Answer #3 - “actually getting a formal diagnosis was a god-send”

I will preface this with saying that I was your child’s age in the early 1980s when there was nearly no autism awareness and certainly no training of teaching professionals on what it is or how to deal with it.  I was not diagnosed with high-functioning autism until four years ago.  I always knew I was not like everyone around me.  Once there was information readily available about autism, I began to suspect I might be autistic, but actually getting a formal diagnosis was a god-send.  This allowed me to put many of the vague impressions and feelings I had over the years into terms I could explain easily to other people.  Before that, I could say I did not like certain things, but not why.  Now, I can tell people why something is different for me than it is for them in generally understood terms.

First, I can almost guarantee that an intelligent 6-year old recognizes that he is “not like everyone else.”  I was more advanced than most of my peers from a young age, and I was aware early on that I was not like other people.  He may not have terminology to say how or why he is different, but the fact that he is different is probably clear to him.  I personally would tell him now.  Tell him and give him tools to address the world around him.  The sooner he knows, the sooner he can learn to navigate.

Start helping him understand that teachers are going to teach to the overall population because they have to.  Tell him that this way may not work for him because of the autism, and he may have to ask for more help or find a different way to learn things, but that is not a bad thing.  The sooner he understands that he is simply hardwired, for lack of a better term, in a different way, the sooner he can adapt rather than wonder “Why can’t I be like everyone else, or “What’s wrong with me?” 

I have no idea what the current environment is in non-autistic schools, but I would be hopeful there may be resources in place.  Regardless of what the school may have, you can access lots of tools online that will give you ideas of how to explain autism.  I would suggest giving a list of things that are often found among autistic children, and then tell him “You may have some of these or none of them.  You may have some of these one day, and then they go away the next.  Understand that there are a lot of people who are autistic, and you are not alone in the world.”   I never encountered anyone remotely like me growing up.  I did not think that bothered me until the day I first watched the original Star Trek series, and I saw Mr. Spock.  I was a lot like him, especially with how I talked more formally and took things literally.  Better still, while he was different from everyone, he was vital, needed, and relied upon.  Even though he was a character in a story, the fact that he existed at all told me that there had to be others like that out there or they never would have created a character like that.  Just knowing he is not alone in the world in his experiences may do your child a lot of good.

One major difficulty I had, and I understand it is a common issue for autistic people, is I never intuitively learned how to read facial expressions and social cues.  I believe I have seen flash cards that help with that.  I had an extremely awkward period in college where I actually asked people to explain what they were thinking and feeling while they had certain expressions.  I had to tell them no, I really have no idea, I never learned this stuff, and I need it, so please help.  I had to program in “this face means this emotion, this face means this one.”  The earlier you can get him help with that, the smoother his life will run.

I will offer words of caution–children can be extremely cruel to anyone who is different.  That being said, I can also say that nothing my teachers or my father tried to do was ever as effective in making bullies stop as me finding the courage to stand up for myself.   Finding ways to help increase self-confidence and self-acceptance can reduce bullying, as bullies generally look for weak victims.  

As a suggestion outside the scope of your question; I have had many friends who successfully helped their autistic children by enrolling them in martial arts and/or dance.  Both are excellent at helping a child develop more control over motor skills, and both can be wonderful for self-confidence..  I have been in both, and I loved the repetitive motion of practice.  Once I had the patterns down, martial arts katas were amazingly helpful when I had moments where I was overwhelmed.  You just focus on your breathing, your movement, and let everything else in your head go.  A good martial arts school teaches first and foremost that violence is never to be used against someone except as a last resort.  Dance can be the same, as you put the music on and just move.  

Answer #4 - Let him know soon, casually and keep the explanation simple and positive. Use books.

Hey!

It’s great that you’re looking to tell your son that he is autsitic! I fully believe that letting a child know about their neurodiversity early on can be greatly beneficial. Here are my recommendations:

1. Let him know as soon as possible.

Letting him know he is autistic will help give him words to express what he is going through. For example, I grew up not knowing I was autistic. It wasn’t because my family neglected to tell me, but because they didn’t know either and a lot of my traits were overlooked by teachers and doctors. However, I always had this feeling that I was different from everyone else. As I grew older, I started acquiring negative labels from others and including myself. Some of these included “lazy”, “slow”, “shy”, and “weird”. People would constantly ask me why I was so quiet and didn’t talk very often. I never had an answer for them because I didn’t know how to explain something that just came natural to me. It wasn’t until adulthood that I finally had words to put to my experiences. I’m a semi-verbal autistic and I am different in the way I process and perceive the world, but that doesn’t make me any of those previous negative labels. Knowing I’m autistic has given me permission to give myself more grace, to understand myself better, and to advocate for my own needs. 

2. Keep explanations simple and positive.

While it is important he has an accurate understanding of what autism is, it also doesn’t need to be brought up in detail all at once. I recommend starting by just mentioning it in casual day-to-day conversations to emphasize that brain differences are normal. Bringing it up casually can help him feel more comfortable talking about things he is experiencing. As a child, I often wouldn’t tell others difficulties I was having sensory wise because I was afraid of being seen as a problem, burden, or weird. I would often minimize my own experiences to simply fit in and not draw attention to myself. This has led to major burnout in my adult years and more issues with alexithymia. 

3. Let him know that he doesn’t have to tell others if he doesn’t want to. 

Let your son know that he is under no obligation to tell his peers about being autistic if he is uncomfortable doing so. Personally, I don’t keep my neurotype from anyone, but I do understand there is still a stigma attached to autism simply because others fail to understand what it truly is. Unless it’s a situation where a teacher or caregiver needs to know to help meet his needs, I would leave the decision to tell others up to him. If he does decide to tell others, it may be handy to pre-prepare him with some answers to common questions he may get. 

4. Try introducing age appropriate books and shows that feature an autistic child that he can relate with. 

I didn’t fully understand or believe I was autistic until I watched various YouTube videos from other autistics that openly talked about their experiences. Hearing and seeing what others have gone through helped me to see the same things in myself. It made me realize that I wasn’t alone and that what I am feeling is valid. There are several good children's books out there that can help introduce your son to autism while still keeping it age appropriate in a way that he will understand. As a child, I greatly preferred having a book or show that I could consume at my own pace to explain things rather than having a conversation.

Answer #5 - “The point at which your child begins to struggle with social activities in relation to friends, teachers, and crushes is probably the best time to tell him”

The point at which your child begins to struggle with social activities in relation to friends, teachers, and crushes is probably the best time to tell him, especially if you suspect he is being bullied, or that his friends aren’t really friends. He may or may not ever experience such things, but it is probable that he will. I advise this strategy because there’s not too much benefit to him knowing beforehand until autism has the power to explain the difficulties he is experiencing in his life. You will likely need to explain autism to him multiple times throughout life as different social troubles come up. This is because it is unlikely he will fully understand during the first disclosure just how much autism may be affecting him. You will probably need to relate each new relevant social trial he experiences to his autism in some way, as you encourage and help him to solve his social issues.

For example, if you move, especially far away, your child may have a lot of difficulty settling in, and without some form of intervention the stress will add up over time. It may be good to tell him after the move that he has autism, especially if he has difficulty picking up new friends or if he seems to be depressed. He may not understand why he feels the way he does, and he may even feel in conflict with you over the move, despite your and even his best efforts to avoid the turmoil. This may appear to happen all of a sudden, so don’t let it surprise you and instead be prepared to give him an explanation that will empower him to work through the challenge of the move. Whatever you do, don’t be too harsh on him should he blame someone in particular that he believes is at fault. Turn the conversation away from fault and take the opportunity to teach him about autism and explain that the way he feels is completely natural and that he’ll get through it.

Also, if ever he should ask one or both of you if there is something different about him, or if he should directly ask if he is autistic, you should both be in agreement beforehand that it’s good to answer his question honestly on the spot. Even if your spouse is not privy to the conversation, and even if he is an adult. If he asks why you didn’t tell him sooner, be truthful. You may have any number of reasons why you waited to tell him, but among them are probably that you weren’t sure if telling him would have helped and that it may have made it even harder. Don’t feel the need to defend yourself should he make accusations, just ask him how you can help from now on. You were only doing the best you could. And in any case, it’s a great opportunity to learn from him in what ways you can actually help him, and for you to tell him that it changes nothing when it comes to the love you have for him. 

The way in which you tell him should make clear that it is not a shortcoming and that it does not make him worse or better than other humans. It just gives him different strengths and weaknesses as compared to the norm. Make sure to do your best to be patient and understanding. Social interactions, even with his parents, will likely never be his forte.

To summarize, if you see him struggling socially and you believe that telling him he has autism has the power to explain his predicaments in life, you should proactively tell him, otherwise wait for him to come to you if he ever does. 

Answer #6 - “The most important part of your conversation is for him to know that autism is not bad or scary”

Hi!

I read your question and have some of my own advice on the matter. 

My thought would be that it is better to tell him now than later. Since your son is very intelligent, he will likely understand what you are getting across if it is explained in a child-friendly way. I was diagnosed as autistic when I was 16, so I was confused when I was younger as to why I did things differently than other people. Giving him a grasp on autism now may alleviate some of that confusion growing up as well as preparing him to become a better self-advocate in the future. 

When you decide to tell him, make sure that he doesn’t feel scared or intimidated. If he is in an uncomfortable situation when you first explain the diagnosis, he may continue to associate it with those negative feelings later on. Instead, start the conversation in a casual environment, like on a car ride or when he is playing. Since autism is a part of an autistic person’s everyday life, an everyday activity is a good time to bring it up. 

The most important part of your conversation is for him to know that autism is not bad or scary. It is a way of thinking that affects people’s lives in a different way than a neurotypical person may experience. You also may want to explain some things about sensory or social difficulties. There are a lot of sources that explain autism in a way that is easy for younger people to understand (for example, this article by KidsHealth https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/autism.html that seemed to have a pretty competent grasp on the matter). 

When picking an article or book, you will want to iscreen it first to make sure that it is autism-affirming, and doesn’t look for a “cure” or way to “fix” autism. Many children may also feel intimidated by “clinical” language that they hear at places such as the doctor’s or dentist’s office. If they associate this kind of speech with anxiety, they may feel anxious when they think or hear about autism. This may also add to the “disease” narrative. Sources intended for children (such as the example given above) use vocabulary that is non threatening and appropriate for their age level. 

Lastly, I would want him to know that nothing changes from this diagnosis. Autism is something that people are born with and experience their entire lives, so he has already known what it has been like to be autistic for the past 6 years. Autism is something to be understood and accepted as a part of the human condition, not to be changed. I have found that the more in touch you are with yourself, the more you can accept yourself as an autistic person. If you teach your son the general point of self-acceptance, he will likely be more willing to accept his autism diagnosis as well. 

I hope this question could help you. Good luck to your family going forward in the future! 

Answer #7 - “I think the best timing to tell him is right now. But do it in a loving and kind way” [script included]

Dear parents,

your son might not be aware, that he is autistic, because he is not able to read the DMS-5 (yet) and as a result he doesn’t know the traits, that classify him as autistic, however and I can not emphasize this enough, he is aware that he is different than the other kids. We just know that our peers (same gender) know that we are different. The awareness grows every year that we live until we are diagnosed. That might be the reason why autistic kids sometimes tend to hang out with the opposite gender (autistic boys with girls and autistic girls with boys), because they are less aware that we are different - and the same applies for socializing with adults. I’m a girl, autistic, gifted, and yes I was verbal with adults too. Furthermore I have attended regular pre-school and regular school. I understand the reason why you want your child to attend a regular school. Today I am grateful that my parents made that choice for me too. However it wasn’t easy at times, because the other girls didn’t like to hang out with me. I was excluded. For autistic children it’s much easier to make friends with like-minded children (the kids in the computer club or the engineering club or the arts classes - or whatever special interest your son is fostering - or might want to foster in the future) - the children, that either have a few autistic traits themselves or they have siblings with autistic traits. I was diagnosed pretty late. But even before I officially got diagnosed, I naturally gravitated towards other (undiagnosed) autistic people or people with (at the time undiagnosed) autistic family members.

I think the best timing to tell him is right now. But do it in a loving and kind way. And help him to get in touch with other “nerdy” children. His tribe. It will save him from feeling lonely, isolated, in pain, rejected and depressed. It will save him from the experience “not being liked for being himself”. 

If I had an autistic son, I would explain him being autistic in the following way:

My dear son, you are a bit different than other children. Your brain is wired a bit differently. That isn’t a bad thing. It’s just different. It doesn’t make you superior to other children, but it also doesn’t make you less than other children. Being different comes with certain advantages and certain disadvantages. With your advantages you can try to help other people and the world in general like Steve Jobs and Elon Musk and a few pretty cool guys before them. But also be humble and kind towards other people - and don’t belittle them for not having your advantages, because they are having advantages, where you are having disadvantages. Like they need you, you need them. The world needs all kinds of minds - and they all need to work together as a team.

A side note: Maybe it would be worth taking some time to teach your son how to meditate (something with sound, movement and meditation) - even if it is only 6 to 10 minutes before school, 6 to 10 minutes after school and/or 6 to 10 minutes in the evening. It helps to release stress and anxiety and it can help him to stay calm, centered and grounded. Also it can prevent him from getting into alcohol and drugs as a way to release anxiety and stress in the future (as a teenager).

I wish you all the best for the future - and no matter how hard it gets I hope you will be able to love him unconditionally always.

Answer #8 - “my parents were told I might be autistic when I was younger…I wish they had shared this information with me”

Hello, parents!  

I was not officially diagnosed as autistic until I was 20-years-old (I’m now 28). However, my parents were told I might be autistic when I was younger, as a result of a neuropsychological evaluation I had done. I wish they had shared this information with me at the time and, even though it’s not my parents’ fault they didn’t know sooner, I also wish that I could have known I was autistic for all my life. 

I always knew I was different but I didn’t know why. My parents first suspected I might be on the spectrum when I was in middle school and that is also when my feeling different started to have major consequences on my self-esteem and mental health. I had no explanation for why I felt different - why some things were harder for me than for others, why I had a hard time socializing with my peers, and why I was often anxious or overwhelmed or in pain from things like loud noises and sock seams. Being that I had no other explanation, I only had one conclusion to draw: I was broken. 

I felt very deeply that something was wrong with me, that I was hopeless or a failure, and generally a weak and less desirable type of person. 

I know that when parents are hesitant to tell their child they are autistic, that is actually what they fear their child will feel. They are afraid that being given a diagnosis will make their child feel broken or like something is wrong with them. I’m here to tell you: that is how we will feel anyway. But it isn’t how we have to feel and it isn’t how we have to feel when told that we’re autistic. When I first learned I was autistic at 20-years-old, I was so relieved. Here is an explanation for everything! This is how my brain works! I was born this way! I felt empowered. I felt proud of who I was, because now I understood who I was and I could know my weaknesses AND my strengths, and I could learn and grow. Self-knowledge is empowering. Self-knowledge is life-changing. 

Please, tell your child he is autistic and tell him as soon as you can. But when you tell, don’t tell him it’s a sad or negative thing. Tell him, “This is a name for how your brain works”, “Your brain is unique, just like everyone’s” “There are other people with a brain like yours and they are living wonderful, happy, successful lives”. “When we know how our brains work, we can know why we feel what we feel and how we can get what we need”. This is how you should tell your child and you should encourage him to come to you with any questions. If you don’t know the answers, ask autistic adults. We’ve been there. You can also introduce him to famous people, historical figures, fictional characters, and local friends who are also on the spectrum. You should treat “autistic” as no different than telling him the color of his eyes or the texture of his hair or the shape of his smile. “Autistic” is the shape of his brain and that is a wonderful thing to know. 

Answer #9 - “Do your best to answer his questions as positively as you can in terms of difference, rather than “problem”, “trouble”, or anything else negative, but do NOT lie or sugarcoat anything” [script included]

Dear Parents:

I’m a 47-year-old Autistic woman who was finally diagnosed about 2 years ago.  I identify with your son so very much, as our childhood situations sound very similar.  

I connected socially so much better with adults than I did with kids my own age.  I knew from the age of 4 that I was different from everyone else, but I couldn’t figure out why.  No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I just couldn’t ever manage to “fit in”.  As a result, I always thought there was something horribly wrong and intrinsically bad about me that made me unacceptable and unlovable, and that strong sense of wrongness and unworthiness and shame has stayed with me to this day.

When I was finally diagnosed, it was such an incredible relief!  I finally knew WHY I was so different, and knowing that my difference is just an ordinary variation in the human brain has allowed me to start letting go of the pain and shame of a lifetime of feeling like an evil alien and being rejected.

I share all of this so you can understand how exceedingly important it is to inform your son about his diagnosis as soon as possible!  

You need to tell him IMMEDIATELY in an age-appropriate manner so he won’t make the same kinds of damaging assumptions about himself that I, and pretty much every other late-diagnosed Autistic person I know, have made about ourselves.

At the next convenient moment, when everyone is calm and rested and fed (perhaps after a snack or after dinner), you should sit down with him and have this important conversation.  I’m going to offer a script to cover what I believe are the most important points, but you will need to adjust it to meet his needs and his specific details and knowledge.  

You haven’t mentioned stimming as an issue, so I haven’t addressed that here, but you can use a similar approach of giving concrete examples of his experiences and explaining that it’s just a difference that other people react to if you need to address stimming and other typically Autistic behaviors he may display.

SCRIPT:

“Hey, Son, do you remember when you visited Dr. Specialist and she gave you all those tests?  I’d like to talk about that.  Is now a good time?”  (If he’s distracted or otherwise not up to it at the moment, negotiate a different time.)

“So you already know that people are different from each other in all kinds of different ways.  Some people are tall or short.  Some are boys and some are girls and some are neither or both.  Some like chocolate and some like vanilla.”  (If you are not comfortable talking about gender identity with your child, you can use a different example, but I would encourage you to read this article and the studies it cites to understand and be prepared that your child is more likely than a neurotypical child to be a gender different from the gender assigned at his birth. https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/gender-and-sexuality-in-autism-explained/)

“Well, when Dr. Specialist gave you all those tests and talked with you, she figured out one way you are different.  You are Autistic.  Your friend Autistic Friend is Autistic too, so you and he are like each other but different from other people!”  (If your son has no Autistic friends, you could use the Muppet Zoe from Sesame Street or any other positive fictional character as a relatable example instead.)

“Being Autistic means that your brain is different from most other people, and it works in its own special way.  Sometimes this means you are better at certain brain work than other people, and sometimes it means you have to work harder to do certain other brain work than other people.”

“You know how you’re really good at spelling/math/reading/memorizing stuff?  Well, part of that is because you’re Autistic.  You know how you love finding out and telling people everything about dinosaurs/trains/computers/insects/buildings/Legos?  Part of that is because you’re Autistic.  You know how you really enjoy having long conversations with Aunt Favorite Aunt/Mr. Favorite Adult about science/video games/plants, and you like spending time with Mommy and Daddy’s grown-up friends?  Part of that is because you’re Autistic.  These are all things that your brain does better than other kids because you’re Autistic”.

“There is also some brain work that being Autistic makes harder.  You know how sometimes you don’t quite understand something your friends at school said, and then they get upset?  That’s because you’re Autistic, and your brain understands things in a different way, and it’s confusing to a lot of other kids.  You know when you get really excited about something and the teacher gets frustrated with you because you can’t stop talking really loudly about it?  That’s because you’re Autistic, and your brain has a hard time telling your voice how loud it needs to be for other people to be comfortable.  Your brain also gets so excited about the things you love, that it just wants everyone to know how awesome that thing is, and so it makes it hard to stop talking, even when other people aren’t as interested in the awesome thing as you are.”

“Being Autistic can make it hard to know what other people mean when they don’t say exactly what they want to tell you.  It’s a little bit like when your friend Juan speaks Spanish, and you can’t understand him.  Other people use English words in a way that isn’t always really clear, and your brain can have difficulty understanding those people.  And sometimes they will misunderstand you, too, because they expect you to use words the same way they do, but because you are Autistic and your brain works differently than theirs does, you use words your own way.”

“And the thing that is hardest for Autistic people is that your brain doesn’t understand feelings the same way other people’s brains do.  You know how when you’re really upset about something, it can be hard for you to say whether you’re sad or scared or angry? That’s because it’s harder for your brain to decide exactly what kind of feeling it is that you’re having.  It’s also pretty hard for your brain to help you figure out what other people are feeling if they don’t tell you with words.  You know how I can look at you when you’re upset, and I know that you’re upset, even if you don’t tell me?  That’s because my brain helps me figure out how you’re feeling by the way your face looks and the way your body looks and the sound of your voice.  Your brain has to work a lot harder to do that, and sometimes it just won’t be able to do it.”

“That does not mean that there is anything wrong with you or that you’re a mean person, it’s just one way you’re different because you’re Autistic.  Some people will be unhappy about that, because they won’t understand that it’s just something that’s different about you, and those people may not be very nice to you because they’re unhappy.  When those people aren’t nice to you, you must always remember that it is because they don’t understand and they’re unhappy.  It is NEVER because you have been bad, and it is NEVER your fault.  It’s just a misunderstanding that has confused them, and they will either figure out that you are a very kind and caring person whose brain is a little bit different, or they won’t, and that is all THEIR problem.  If they keep being mean to you, you should tell a teacher, and then don’t play with them and try to ignore them.  You should also tell me, so I know how you’re feeling and how I can help, because I love you very much, and your feelings are important to me!”

“Some people will really LIKE that you are different.  I think you’re an amazing and wonderful person, especially because your brain works differently from mine!  Other Autistic people already understand how your brain is different, and it will be easier for your brain to understand them, and you will probably have a lot of fun playing with them!  Some people think that it’s really cool to be different, because it’s much more interesting to talk with someone who knows things you don’t already know!  It’s fun to learn about new things from your friends!  And you will meet other people who love dinosaurs (or whatever his special interests may be) as much as you do, and that will be exciting, too!”

“What questions do you have about being Autistic and what we’ve talked about today?” (This phrasing is important, so please don’t change this one question.)  

Do your best to answer his questions as positively as you can in terms of *difference* or level of work/difficulty, rather than “problem”, “trouble”, or anything else negative, but do NOT lie or sugarcoat anything.  If something he does because he’s Autistic frustrates or upsets or angers or scares “normal” people, be honest about their reactions, but try to explain it in terms of their emotions, and not that he’s done something wrong (unless he has actually done something objectively wrong or mean on purpose, which is a whole different issue).

“I know this is a lot of new and important information, so I think you should take some time to think about it and to figure out how you feel about it before you tell all your friends.  This is special information about you that you should only tell to good people who are kind.  Let’s plan to talk about this again on (a day approximately a week later), and then you can decide who you might want to tell and we can figure out how you would like to tell them.  Does that sound like a good idea to you?”  (We Autistics have a tendency to broadly announce any new and interesting thing we come across indiscriminately, so this is important to help him learn who to disclose to and how to disclose.  There should NOT be a stigma, but we all know there is, so this is a lifetime skill.  You’ll also need to tell him which adults know, such as teachers, counselors, doctors, relatives, friends, etc.)

“I love you very much, and I’m really excited to see all the fascinating things your different brain will do as you grow up!  When you have any questions about being Autistic or feelings or why other people react in certain ways, please ask me!  We can talk about this any time you feel like it.  I may not always know all the answers right when you ask, but I will make sure to find them out for you or to find someone who can explain the answers better than I can!  And if I say something in a way that you don’t understand, please tell me that, too.  I want to make sure that my words to you are clear and not confusing and don’t frustrate you!”

At some point you’re going to have to explain to him about social norms and expectations and rudeness vs. politeness and manners.  Most of these things are likely to seem stupid to him, because most of them are not logical at all.  You should acknowledge that these things don’t make logical sense, but you’ll have to explain that because we don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings, we learn to do certain things certain ways, and here are the “rules”.  But unless he asks about that now, I wouldn’t address it in conjunction with this conversation.

Bright blessings to you and your Son, and peace and joy to you as you explore his brain with him!

Answer #10 - “When I look back to my childhood, I am glad my parents did not tell me I was autistic”

When it comes to telling your child they are autistic, I believe the “how” is much more important than the “when”. I was never told as a child. It was not until my now wife suggested it that I sought out and received an autism diagnosis. We will be parents soon, and I have spent many hours considering how and when to explain autism to our children, if indeed they are autistic as well.

When I look back to my childhood, I am glad my parents did not tell me I was autistic (if they even acknowledged it themselves). This is not because I would not have wanted to know, but rather an acknowledgement of times and my parents’ view of the world. In the early to mid 1990s, when I would have likely been diagnosed, there existed only rigid autistic stereotypes, without much room for distinct individuals. My parents, based on my experience, would have imparted those damaging stereotypes onto me. And they would not have stopped there. My parents would have tried desperately to “cure” me. They would not have embraced the characteristics that make me unique, they would have regarded them as abnormalities that needed to be “corrected”.

Even with loving intentions, parents may unintentionally lead their autistic child to develop a negative self-image and restrict the child’s potential for success and fulfillment. If one of my children is autistic, I plan to begin a healthy process of teaching them about themselves as soon as I believe they are able to process and understand it. I believe it would be helpful to begin the process (and I do think it should be a process) before it becomes necessary. If, for example, you were to wait until the child faces challenges at school, there would be a risk that the child had already begun to internalize negative feelings about themselves or feelings of “otherness”. It is also important for the parents to confront their own preconceptions about autism before beginning to share with their child.

The process of telling a child, as I see it, involves first asking yourself “why” you are telling your child. Personally, my motivation in telling my child would be several fold. 1) I want to start them on a life-long process of learning about themselves and developing an ability for them to look at themselves honestly and compassionately. 2) On some level, learning anything about yourself will likely require some reflection and acceptance, and I want to start the journey of self-acceptance early. 3) I want them to begin to see their differences (and those differences that will become apparent later) as simply a part of their unique self, rather than traits that need to be changed or be ashamed of. 4) Likewise, I want them to know that even though they may face different challenges than their peers, they also have unique strengths. We want to teach our children not to ignore their challenges, but to be kind to themselves and learn to adjust their environment to them and to have confidence to ask for what they need. 5) I want to explain to my child that these differences make them who they are and that, whenever they feel alone, they should remember there are millions of people of all sorts that see the world as they do. They will, with the self-acceptance and self-compassion they learn from their parents, will find others who will accept and love them as they are.

Answer #11 - “when you have this conversation with your son, I would explain autism using the social model in an age-appropriate way”.

I am so glad you asked this question! There is so much information that I’d love to go back in time to give to my parents that I think would have made life as an autistic kid much easier. I’m thrilled that I can share it with you!

While your son might not be aware that he’s autistic, it’s very likely that he is aware that he is different from the other kids at his preschool in some way. Even before we’re told we’re autistic, a lot of us find ourselves wondering why we’re struggling with something that seems so easy for other kids, or, at minimum, we have a vague feeling that we’re not like other people but we don’t know exactly why. Some of us, myself included, start feeling this way long before we’re old enough to articulate that we feel different. In my experience, that feeling of being different becomes more apparent as we get older and interactions with our peers start to get more complex.

My answer to how you should tell him is informed by myself and others’ experiences of “feeling different” and the ubiquity of that experience among autistics. My short answer is:

1. Tell him as soon as possible. He is young, but kids should know they’re autistic and be able to ask questions and go through life armed with that knowledge. Some parents make the mistake of not telling their child until they’re older, maybe in their teens. I will elaborate on why this isn’t the best choice.

2. When you tell him he is autistic, be deliberate in how you frame that information. A neurodiversity-affirming approach is best.

When I was a child, my understanding of my autism was through the lens of the medical model of disability (you can read more about the social and medical models here and here). As a result, I internalized that my brain was “deficient” and struggled with my self-esteem when I couldn’t keep up with neurotypicals. This was very confusing, because the well-meaning adults in my life would also tell me, “you can do anything you set your mind to!” or “you’re not different, you’re just like everyone else!” I knew the latter was not true. The former made me regard my struggles as personal failings rather than a failure of my society to understand or accommodate me.

Children who aren’t told they’re autistic have a similar struggle without the benefit of knowing that there is something real and substantially different about them. They have the same thoughts - “why can’t I do this thing that is so easy for my peers” - and their self-esteem suffers just the same. They also view their struggles as personal failings, but with no idea why they’re struggling in the first place.

Learning about the social model of disability in my early 20s truly changed my life. I realized that there was never anything inherently wrong with me. I sometimes struggle because society is not built for me. When kids are taught about autism this way, they’re in a much better position to maintain a healthy self-esteem and to develop a positive autistic identity. 

So, when you have this conversation with your son, I would explain autism using the social model in an age-appropriate way. If he has already felt that he is “different,” he will now know why and have the tools to interpret his experiences. If he has yet to experience feeling “different,” you will have put him ahead of the game and he will be equipped to interpret his experiences when he does start to feel that way or faces unexpected challenges. 

I hope that this is helpful! I’m sure there will be many more conversations about autism that you have with your son in the future as his understanding of what that means for him deepens. This is a good starting point to set the stage for those later conversations and put him on track to becoming an informed, empowered neurodiverse person with a healthy sense of self. 

I’m happy to help if you have any further questions! Your son is very lucky to have parents that understand the value of the knowledge and lived experience of autistic adults in giving him a happy and fulfilling life.

Answer #12 - begin to open a dialogue where he feels free and open to share his confusions without shame or guilt.

Hello,

To answer your question directly, I would recommend that you communicate closely with him about his social interaction with peers and if/when there arises conflicts, begin to explain to him about different neurotypes by explaining that others may feel or think about things differently than he does, and begin to open a dialogue where he feels free and open to share his confusions without shame or guilt.

My awareness of social order began developing more complex understandings around the time I was in first grade, and because I (or my parents) didn’t know I was autistic at that time I didn’t feel that I could talk about how I was feeling with them, or with anyone, and that left me feeling isolated. 

Feel free to stop reading here, or keep reading if you would like some more insight on my personal experience as a highly empathetic, extroverted, autistic person regarded as highly intelligent. 

I was diagnosed with ASD as an adult, even though my parents were prompted to get me tested when I was a child. 

This was partly because I didn’t seem to have any learning delays, and in fact I was assessed by all adults as “highly intelligent” throughout my childhood and adolescence. 

As someone extroverted with a high empathy sensitivity, I thrived in kindergarten and informal environments surrounded by family and friends. 

Grade 1 was when there was a significant change in my behaviour. 

There may have been externally contributing factors that affected this sudden change, but from my memory, it is when I realized that I was somehow different from my peers, though I could not figure out how or why. 

Of course as a small child (youngest in my class) I had no idea of the social complexities surrounding mental and social ability, so I only felt confusion and shame as if I’d perpetually done something wrong. 

In this way, my intellect was more a curse than a blessing, because I began to analyze and dissect every possibility that I might have made a mistake in, and became trapped in an endless toxic mental loop of overwhelm and shame that still causes me issues to this day. 

I’ve never considered myself disabled because I’ve never had any trouble navigating my physical environment or struggled to keep up with my studies or social life. 

However, when I was diagnosed I realized that I was overworking myself, which was the cause of my depression, anxiety, and other mental illness symptoms, in order to participate in society the way that society expects. 

The diagnosis allowed me to break free of the expectations that kept me barely functional, and unlocked all of my strengths and talents that I had been neglecting in favour of spending all my energy just fitting in. 

I am still in the process of unburying myself, but the change so far has been unbelievable. 

Through my own acceptance of my unique needs, and the support of my family and their acceptance and accommodation of my needs, I have been able to create an environment where I can thrive and use my natural skills and talents to better the world around me, not just for people like me, but for everyone who feels oppressed by the current status quo in any way. 

I think it’s important that people regarded as highly intelligent, autistic or not, are able to have moments of weakness where they feel supported, even if they are unable to communicate their emotional needs, because even high intelligence is still at the mercy of emotional reactions. 

What’s the Best Job for Your ADHD? Take This Quiz to Find Out!

By: Vanessa Blanchard

ADHD can create a ton of problems in the workplace, it’s true.  But it also comes with an enormous number of strengths.  Not necessarily superhero powers, though.  More like everyday, normal person strengths.  

Unfortunately, workplaces (and society at large) tend to take the same, inflexible approach to adults with ADHD: this isn’t real, but also you’re in trouble for having it.

This generalized, somewhat gaslighting approach to confronting symptoms of ADHD is a large part of what makes things like employment so hard.  There are ways to make things easier though. 

The key is to acknowledge the symptoms and struggles of ADHD rather than confront them.  Just like autism, ADHD is neurological and can present itself in many ways.  There will be a range of traits and symptoms that you exhibit.  Finding a job that’s a good fit will depend on the person and how ADHD affects their lives.

So, we’ve made a quiz that will help you determine what kinds of jobs work best for you.  In your results, we’ve included a small overview of the types of jobs you might thrive with.  We’ve also gathered a few suggestions of specific jobs to explore.

Take the Quiz

Results

Score: 10-54

These are jobs for people who are creative, but more introverted and less willing to have a boss.  Many of these jobs would be suited to medium to low hyperactivity needs, but might not be best suited to high energy needs (with the exception of farming).  These jobs are best for people who prefer a hyperfocus state for much of their day.

For example, freelancers have a lot of flexibility and can control their environments to maximize their focus.  They can customize their work to fit with what holds their attention.  This work can be largely project-based so that there’s a constant stream of novelty.  But it also involves daily routines or processes that keep the person grounded and regulated.  There will also be a lot of autonomy for the actual work, though there may be a need to maintain contact with a small team or stream of clients.

The best jobs for ADHD of this type will include:

• Writing

• Artist

• Graphic Design

• Programming

• Farming

• Small business owner (ie handmade businesses, Etsy shops, or freelance work)

Score: 55 - 65

These jobs are for ADHD folks who are less introverted and rate more highly on the hyperactive end of things. These jobs will see you working with bigger teams, more customers, and/or juggling many tasks/priorities.  People who need more external motivation (such as a support team or a workplace that’s outside the home) will do well in these jobs.  There is still room for hyperfocus in these jobs, but there will be much more socializing and high energy demands.

Jobs for ADHD of this type will include:

• Food Service

• YouTube/Podcasting

• IT Support

• Construction

• Educator

• Fitness Trainer

• Landscaping

Score: 65 - 100

These jobs are for people with ADHD who thrive in chaos.  There’s less emphasis on hyperfocus and more emphasis on novelty and fast-paced decision-making.  These jobs will present a person with constant, urgent problems to solve.  You’ll mostly have a boss (external motivation) and/or a number of clients you work closely with.  Being “on the go” will be a big part of these jobs.

Jobs for ADHD of this type will include:

• Photography

• Interior Design

• Real Estate Agent

• Healthcare worker

• Emergency Responder

FAQs

What is hyperfocus in ADHD?

Most people assume that a lack of focus is the main trait of ADHD but the problem is actually in regulating focus. Hyperfocus in ADHD is when you zero in on a topic or task for long periods of time, often forgetting to take care of basic needs like eating or sleeping.  With ADHD hyperfocus can be difficult to transition away from.  It can be physically painful to focus on something not related to the thing that inspires hyperfocus.

How many types of ADHD are there?

In the United States, the CDC recognizes three types of adhd: a mostly inattentive type, a mostly hyperactive type, and a combination of symptoms.

However, there is some research that indicates that there could be as many as seven types of ADHD.

One problem with current research and understanding of ADHD is that it focuses almost entirely on how the symptoms disrupt others, which tends to be a stigmatizing and incomplete picture of ADHD. For example, parts of the research surrounding the seven types of ADHD refers to the person being “mean,” rather than focusing on the discomfort that might cause irritable behaviors in people. 

About the writer

I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America. I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing and will be among the autistic adults helping you understand your autistic kids better on Spectroomz’ Ask An Autistic. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.

How to Find Jobs for Autistic People: Should I Apply?

Learn How To Get A Job When You're Autistic

〰️

Learn How To Get A Job When You're Autistic 〰️

By: Vanessa Blanchard

Hello, folks!  Vanessa here.  You may remember me from the professional writing class in the Spectroomz Academy.  I’ve been helping curate jobs for the newsletter here as well.  We’ve received lots of feedback about the jobs board and it’s been super helpful in sculpting how I look for the best jobs for autistic people.  

One of the biggest issues that seems to come up is questioning, “Should I apply to this job?” 

This question is usually in regards to how much professional experience you have, but there are several other things that I consider when looking for listings for you all.  Some of the worst jobs for autistic people have nothing to do with how much experience you have.  

No, the worst ones are the ones that will:

• Demand too much masking from you

• Have toxic cultures full of bullying

• Be ambiguous about their needs from you

• Have no room for growth

• Will be poorly matched to your communication styles

• Or will otherwise ask too much of you

So, I wanted to write this to show you some real-world examples of job descriptions and discuss what to look out for when deciding whether or not to apply.

Let’s start with the most pressing concern.

Should I apply if I don’t meet the requirements?

Your current skill set isn't the most important part of you and employers know that.

One important sign of a good employer is that they’ll be upfront that they don’t expect perfection from you.  In fact, many job descriptions tell you directly to apply if you’re underqualified.

Even if they don’t overtly state to apply anyway, it is common for people to assume you won’t “tick all the boxes.”

Honestly, even jobs that seem like the culture might be a little snotty -- like in the image below -- will still tell you that your current skills aren’t the most important part.

Job requirements are there to communicate with you what the job will require.  Eventually.  Your fit within a team is more important.

No matter how little work experience you have, you are never without skills and experience of some kind.  You ultimately need to show potential employers two important things:

1. That you’ve learned specialized skills before in any capacity.

2. That you’re interested in learning the skills they need you to know.

Look at the next image for a real-world example of exactly this principle.

The same line of reasoning stands if you don’t meet other forms of experience, specifically time requirements.  

It’s not reasonable for entry-level jobs to expect actual years of experience in something.  You are allowed to ignore that.  If you understand the lingo in the job description, you’re probably qualified to apply for an entry level job.

Also, trade schools, college degrees, online certifications, and professional development classes (even the free ones) all count as experience.  So do hobbies.  It’s all skill acquisition.  Having robust hobbies will tell an employer that you’re passionate about things, which is an important trait.

A good employer will overlook the time requirements in favor of your interest and engagement.  They’ll funnel you into training. 

Actually, let’s talk more about that now.

What is their training plan?

As I’ve mentioned before, employers worth their salt will have a training plan in place for you.  It’s often left unsaid, but it should be assumed that almost no employer will expect you to step into a job at full capacity right away.  

Even if you’re over-qualified for the position, you’ll still need to learn the systems, needs, and intricacies of the company before you can take on full workloads within the position.  

Look at the next image, where the company breaks down the onboarding process for new employees.  Notice that it’s phrased in terms of months of learning and gradual increases in responsibilities. I’ve seen job listings break down the whole first year in this way, showing potential applicants exactly how their development will unfold.

Even if people don’t think to include this in their job descriptions, you should assume something like this is part of their plan.  If you encounter someone who wants you to already know everything (like the “no junior hires” listing we’ll talk about in the culture section) then it’s likely that they aren’t being reasonable.

Employers want to know that you’re interested in growing your skills.  That’s a big part of why they’re so willing to train you.  They benefit from what you learn.  Even repetitive jobs like data entry will need you to learn new programs or industry specific terminology.  

Companies that will nurture your growth are more likely to continue valuing your contributions, which brings me to the next thing autistic people should look for in a job.

Do they offer continued professional development?

The best autistic employment opportunities will be the ones that offer professional development.  Mentors, clear training expectations, and even the freedom to follow your own interests will benefit autistic people who are looking to have sustainable careers.

Look for employment opportunities that offer the training that fits best with your learning needs.  Job descriptions will tell you if they offer mentorship.  They’ll often include continued training budgets into their benefits packages as well.  Look at the image below for an example of this.

Examining an employer’s attitude about training is actually one of the first steps to determining the culture of the company you would work for.  

What is the culture like?

Finding autistic employment opportunities that will be sustainable involves careful vetting of the workplace culture.  Burnout is the biggest reason autistic adults give for quitting their jobs.  The two things they say contribute to burnout the most: bullying in the workplace and a lack of accommodations.

Let’s look at some examples that I’ve collected from real job descriptions of things to be wary of when applying for a job.

Bullying/Lack of Accommodations:

At first, this may seem like a relief.  “No egos” is a good thing.  But then why mention it?  The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

This actually does pop up from time to time.  I’ve seen it in many job descriptions.  But I got this next screenshot from the same job listing that said, “no jerks, no ego.”  The aggressive wording and sarcastic quotes really demonstrate that there is in fact a huge ego in this company and it probably belongs to the person who wrote this.

A key piece of advice I’d give to autistic people wondering how to find a job is to avoid places that stress how little oversight there is for the management.  By stressing your need to deal with tough emotions, you can be assured you’ll be bullied by someone, probably this person.  In emphasizing that there’s no HR, you can assume that there will be no accommodations or protection for you.

You can also assume that asking for any accommodations will not be met with sympathy and will make your work experience worse.

Let’s look at one more example of a place you wouldn’t want to work at.  The next picture is a classic sign of a bad employer in that they don’t offer professional development.

First, that they have no part time work available is going to be about what you, as an autistic person, need in a job.  This isn’t a sign of toxic culture on its own.  But, the reason that’s given for the lack of part time is also important.  It states that part-timers aren’t loyal and therefore won’t produce quality work.  Even if that were a valid point (which it isn’t) the wording is extremely belittling.

When it states that the employer wouldn’t even let you work for free, that indicates that your work will be exploited and you will be seriously underpaid.  And emotionally abused on a near constant level.  

Lastly, there are once again tons of signs that egos are a major factor in this workplace.  These job descriptions are telling you that part of your job will be to avoid upsetting people who are giant babies.

You aren’t going to catch every bully before they cross your path, but looking for signs in job descriptions will help you find job opportunities that are more likely to support you.  

Let’s move away from bullying and look at another element of workplace culture that’s important for autistic people to consider when seeking jobs.

Masking demands:

A workplace that has high demands for masking isn’t necessarily a sign of a toxic culture.  But, it’s still a heavy consideration for autistic adults who want to avoid burning out.  A look at our first example for this section gives you a clear idea of what to look out for.

Obviously, an employer that expects eye contact AND active listening isn’t one that’s going to navigate an autstic employee very well.  And you are well within your rights to avoid this job for your own peace of mind.

That being said, sometimes the language can be a bit trickier to pick out.  Look at the highlighted text in the next example.

There’s a few phrases here that concern me: comfort with ambiguity, fast-paced, and always on.  These phrases don’t mean that the workplace is toxic, but they do represent job requirements that many autistic people will find exhausting.  

I would be more likely to avoid this job because of these phrases than I would avoid it for its requests for experience.  The above job’s requirements of “extensive knowledge” of something is highly subjective, especially considering you can’t really know anything extensively after only one year.

(Side note: notice how many times this image asks applicants to be ready to learn new skills.)

The last thing I think we should talk about is communication requirements on job listings.

Navigating communication requirements:

“Strong communication skills” is a vague statement that can mean many things.  It’s easy as an autistic adult to find this statement intimidating, because our communication is so often deeply misunderstood and dismissed.

But, it’s also something that people who write job descriptions add as a way to tick boxes.  It’s what everyone does so it has to be there.  There are subtle ways that employers will tell you what kind of communication they want you to be strong at.  For example, writers need to be strong communicators in completely different ways than customer service reps.

Sometimes, these requirements mean that you’ll need to be good at diplomacy, networking, and relationship building.  Sometimes, they want you to be good at writing emails or fluent in a language.  So let’s look at a couple examples that will help you look for context about their expectations.

Over-requirements:

This is an example of a role that many autistic people will find absolutely exhausting.  A significant portion of the role’s description is dedicated to various communication requirements. You would need to know for certain that you were extroverted enough to handle this before you applied, regardless of any other experience requirements.  

It’s okay that this job needs these things.  It’s not a sign of a bad culture.  But, it is a sign that you’ll need to mask a LOT, which is a huge contributing factor to burnout.

The next example asks for something much different though.

This communication requirement is here because documentation will be a huge part of this job.  It isn’t asking you to be able to communicate with people in person, it’s asking that you convey your processes clearly so others can interact with your work.  It’s also asking you to be fluent in English.

These communication requirements seem more autistic friendly.

The Takeaway

Determining if you should apply for a job is about more than just meeting the experience requirements.  Remember that the best jobs for autistic people are the ones that will allow us to meet our needs.  

You can and should be encouraged to grow your professional skills in an actual workplace.  You can definitely apply to a job you’re not fully qualified for. 

Short on experience?  We offer courses on SEO, email marketing, professional writing and more, autistic adults can pay what they want!  We’re always developing more, so let us know what you want to see!  

About the writer

I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America. I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing and will be among the autistic adults helping you understand your autistic kids better on Spectroomz’ Ask An Autistic. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.

5 Ways to Spot the Worst Jobs for Autistic Adults

About Spectroomz - We Help Autistic Adults Get Qualified To More Work From Home Jobs.

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By: Vanessa Blanchard

It’s tricky to talk about the worst jobs for autistic people in terms of a specific job title.  There are just too many different ways to be autistic for there to be one prescribed perfect, or imperfect, job.  

There do seem to be certain types of jobs, or rather workplace environments and requirements, that are unwelcoming to autistic people.  When one of these jobs chews us up and spits us out, it has a tremendous impact on our confidence and overall well being.  So how does an autistic adult avoid stumbling into the worst job possible for them?

When we polled autistic adults about the types of work they preferred, we found a range of answers that trended towards a few things.  

These 5 factors can significantly impact an autistic person’s ability to keep their job.  Seeing these in a job description or as part of a company’s culture almost guarantees that autistics won’t fare well in those positions.

1. Communication Requirements on Job Descriptions

Autistics have frequently said that communicating with neurotypicals feels like we’re constantly translating our natural language to a “more acceptable” neurotypical style.  This is an exhaustive aspect of masking that many autistic adults rightfully resent.  

We’ve lost countless opportunities to people or organizations with no patience for another way of existing.  So here are a couple of ways that communication requirements on job descriptions can show autistic people that the job isn’t a good choice for them.

Excellent written/verbal communication skills 

When talking to autistic adults about what kinds of job choices they make, they often say that this phrase in a job description spells trouble.  There are a couple reasons for this:  

First, a common stereotype about autism is that we’re all “bad” at communicating.  These assumptions arise from common autistic issues related to verbal communication (such as delays in verbal speech, losing the ability to speak in certain situations, or minimal speech in general).  It is wrong to assume that a person who struggles to use literal words with their mouths is unable to communicate.  

The second reason this is a red flag for us has to do with social discrimination.  Struggling to coordinate your speech can manifest in many ways.  Being able to speak isn’t always an option for autistic people.  We also can lose the ability to speak in certain circumstances.  Overwhelm is one of my biggest triggers for that but other folks will have other stories.

But communication isn’t confined to whether or not you can use your mouth to speak.  Social discrimination happens with autistic adults well beyond verbal communication.  Our facial expressions or tones are constant sources of social friction.  We might not make the “right face” or have the “right tone” and people will take offense or assume bad things about us.  

Most of the time we’re not trying to be rude, we’re existing.  We try to be understood, accepting, and believed, but people usually don’t get past their emotional reactions to us.

Autistics often do the “lion’s share” of bridging communication gaps.  

So it’s not that we’re not good at verbal communication.  It’s that too much emphasis is placed on the “verbal” part, when aspects of that are a literal disability.  Most people who insist that traditional talking is an indispensable part of a job haven’t tried many other ways.  

We aren’t given the room to be authentic and find masking our natural ways both utterly necessary and physically exhausting. 

We need a few adjustments to the conversation to help it better match our pace.  This isn’t a huge ask, but it’s treated like it is.  To the point where it’s a major red flag if companies include this in their job descriptions.  To us, it means we have to be good at your kind of communication and that makes us feel specifically targeted for exclusion.

Alternately, a lot of autistic adults will find that the worst jobs for them are the ones where they’re required to talk to too many people.  Sure, there are plenty of extroverted autistic folks, but a lot of us would like a quieter position that lets us focus.

Must be good at receiving feedback, no ego

This is a requirement that tells us that the employer is likely harsh and demanding.  Though not universal, a common trait of autism is to be quite self-aware and open to feedback.  It’s an instinct often honed to help us build our masks.

There are two other traits found in autism that make this requirement extra detrimental to our success: demand avoidance and rejection sensitivity.  Both of these traits are trauma based and would need accommodation and support to navigate. 

When we get into the “no ego” territory with job descriptions, it becomes clear that asking for accommodation would be a waste of time.  This job is eliminated from consideration for us.

Good interpersonal skills 

This harkens back to the issue of communication.  What are considered “good” skills are neurotypical skills that will often exclude us from the dynamic.  If we can mask well, we might do okay in this position.  There’s a much higher risk of burnout in autistic folk who use their masks to get by.

Consider as well that autistic people in general are trying to get along with other people.  Sometimes to the point of fawning to avoid rejection, which is a trauma response.  Bullying and marginalization are constant problems for autistic people.  The workplace is one of the most common places for autistic adults to experience bullying and there usually isn’t much support from our peers.

In fact, it’s often not the work, it’s the bullying and lack of accommodations that makes a working situation unsustainable.

So Basically

Autistic adults will thrive in a work environment that allows our authentic selves to communicate in the ways that work best for us.  The worst jobs for us are the ones that don’t provide that.

2. Strict Social Hierarchies

A common autistic trait is to view the world outside of hierarchies, especially when it comes to authority.  Sure, leadership is necessary, but we often don’t see it in terms of importance or status.  Management are just people with different jobs than we have.

Status is kind of important in companies with strict hierarchies in place, which starts to marginalize us immediately.  Now, our natural way of seeing the world is deemed rude.

Workplace discrimination and bullying takes root in power structures like these, where management can either bully us themselves or turn a blind eye to what others might do.  We can be gaslighted as the source of the “drama” for standing up for ourselves, asking for accommodations, or being impacted by the stress.  

The stress spiral of bullying in the workplace takes a toll on our ability to think and therefore perform our jobs well.  Then, we can be deemed “not a good fit” for the culture.  Workplaces with strong focus on hierarchies also tend to place a huge emphasis on the idea that productivity equals worth, which encourages autistic burnout.  Many autistics who have navigated this workplace culture have found themselves without jobs and too burned out to function.  

Both the burnout and the social trauma have lasting impacts on our wellbeing and functioning.  This is one of many ways that trauma with authority impacts our daily lives.

3. Fast-Paced Environments

There are several reasons why fast-paced work environments are some of the worst fits for autistic people

Sensory Processing Problems

Autistic people don’t have the best filters on their senses.  Stimulation that neurotypical people could easily ignore remains prominent in autistic awareness.  It’s easier to become overwhelmed by the wide-open way we perceive the world.  

Sensory overwhelm is when our literal nervous systems are too full of stimulation and become dysregulated.  It can lead to common autistic experiences such as shutdowns and meltdowns.

Delayed processing

Autistic people often benefit from having a bit of space and time to process new social, work, or environmental demands.  For example, I communicate better through email for things like changes of plans or feedback on a project.  This allows me to delay responding while I “switch gears” or work to understand what is being asked of me.

Fast-paced work environments don’t allow autistic adults the space they need to process.  Plus, these types of environments tend to come with strong pressure to mask, which adds to the layers of things we need to process.

Remember, sensory information isn’t just our eyes and ears, it’s also our situational awareness.

Executive Dysfunction

Executive dysfunction refers to someone’s ability to regulate things like motivation, attention, and transitions.  Some ways executive dysfunction can present itself are: 

• struggling to start a task

• switching between tasks

• finishing tasks

• stopping when it’s time to stop.

While executive dysfunction is something that can be overcome (to an extent) it takes energy to do so.  Fast-paced work environments require you to juggle shifting priorities, which usually means being able to pivot from task to task.  

So, an autistic adult looking at a job like this is going to have to measure not just how much energy the job will take, but how much extra energy will be eaten by managing their executive dysfunction.  

Burnout and Inconsistent Performance

The extra demands placed on an autistic person’s sensory processing and executive functioning by fast-paced environments are a formula for burnout.  

There’s pressure for us to bring all of our energy to the job, but without the awareness from our employers that our energy is spent differently than others.  It makes us seem “behind” other folks and gives us a ton of pressure to work harder to catch up.  This leads to strong performances at the start of our employ, with increasingly inconsistent performances as burnout settles in.

The environment chews us up and spits us out

A lot of times, people are allowed to discriminate against autistic adults for their sensory and functioning impairments without recourse.  It comes in the form of:

• Unfavorable performance reviews

• “You’re not a good fit for our culture”

• Helpful advice on how we can work on ourselves more as we’re being fired

• Bullying and/or reduced hours/work until we quit

• The implied (or explicit) notion that they wouldn’t have hired us if they’d known we were autistic in the interview

On the surface, some of these might seem fair, but they become gaslighting when our disability is entirely ignored from consideration and our jobs are on the line.

4. In-person Interviews

Speaking of the interview process: the traditional approach can be one of the worst ways to hire an autistic person.  

For autistic people, the in-person interview is a decathlon of masking.  It’s all newness and uncertainty, outside all routines.  Many of us are at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to answering questions on the spot.

In-person interviews are a collection of social rituals.  These rituals have trends and are constantly shifting.  There’s tremendous pressure on us to anticipate another’s expectation of us, which isn’t always a strength of ours.

Interview processes that involve demonstrating abilities (like portfolios or completing example tasks) are a much better fit for us.  Taking the emphasis away from pitching ourselves on the spot helps us better represent our skills and experience.

5. No social support

Another hidden burden that many autistic adults face in the workplace is self-advocacy.  Often, we’re alone in identifying our needs and accommodations  We’re alone when it comes to navigating workplace discrimination and bullying.  

If we’re lucky, there’s an HR department of some kind, but those aren’t really in place to help employees.  They’re there to protect the company, so we aren’t guaranteed the support we might need.  The burden to prove ourselves is paved with extra obstacles.

Having other autistic, neurodiverse, or disabled people in our work space gives us collective power.  The burden is shared and our credibility is amplified.  Without this, we’re stuck with another “invisible” drain on our energy.

What We Hope You Take Away From This Article

The worst types of jobs autistic adults can have are ones that don’t allow us authenticity or representation.

These are jobs where:

• Worth is tied to productivity rather than personhood 

• The signs of our disability are what devalue our contributions to the team or the workplace

• There is no structure of social support to help us navigate workplace relationships and disability accommodations

• Neurotypical social performance is the only standard in consideration

• The demands on our sensory processing and executive dysfunction don’t account for the existence of those disabilities.

The best jobs for autistic people are willing to reimagine the workplace, allowing it to exist outside of a traditional capitalist space. The prospect of accommodating an autistic adult’s needs are only insurmountable if you rely on neurotypical ideals to structure your company. Many do, but those with more imagination find that it’s not really that hard to help an autistic adult thrive.

About the writer

I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America. I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing and will be among the autistic adults helping you understand your autistic kids better on Spectroomz’ Ask An Autistic. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.