How Parents Should Discipline Their Autistic Child

By: Vanessa Blanchard

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Autistic kids require a lot of compassionate caregiving for things that would typically be deemed discipline issues.  Not punishing someone for a meltdown, which is a neurological event, doesn’t mean that autistic children don’t need structure and discipline.

Teaching Boundaries

As a parent, you know that discipline is largely about setting boundaries and limits to help shape the person you’re raising.  It’s not just punishment.  Autistic kids need help learning about boundaries, too.  It’s a common issue in our social difficulties.

So, embracing compassionate caregiving can go a long way to teaching our youth how to navigate personal relationships and public spaces and not just in the sense of pleasing others.  This also applies to protecting themselves from bullies and manipulators.

It can also teach us to protect our authenticity, which protects our mental health.

ABA is Abuse

Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) is pushed by neurotypical professionals as a “gold standard” treatment for autism, but it pathologizes autistic traits and labels even expressions of joy as bad.  The main goal of ABA is to make the child present as less autistic. 

ABA asserts that autism is behavioral rather than neurological.  They say it can be trained out of a child.

When you talk to autistic people who’ve been through this supposed treatment, they all insist that it’s abusive because it dehumanizes children and punishes them for their natural selves.  Many compare it to conversion therapy within the LGBTQA+ community.

Autistic adults will tell you that developing PTSD and eating disorders are common responses to ABA therapy.

What to Do

• Do employ appropriate punishments for things like shirking responsibilities or bullying others.

• Do use logic when explaining to autistic kids why they’re being punished.

• Do advocate for your child to protect them from those who would label them as “difficult” among their peers.

What Not to Do

• Don’t punish kids for things they can’t control.

• Don’t label them as difficult.  They’re trying their hardest.  They understand that their behavior can be challenging, they’re likely frustrated themselves.

• Don’t let neurotypical professionals judge you for how you discipline or support your child.

About the writer

I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages.  I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD.  My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America.  I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing and will be among the autistic adults helping you understand your autistic kids better on Spectroomz’ Ask An Autistic.  You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.

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