How to Deal with Aggressive Behaviour of Your Autistic Child
By: Vanessa Blanchard
Aggression is a common problem with autistic children, and again, it comes from being overwhelmed with frustration and anger.
Maybe your little one can’t express their needs or desires. They could be getting bullied at school or by other caregivers. It’s very common for adults to judge and correct autistic kids until they start lashing out. Being constantly misunderstood and labeled “bad” is traumatic.
Autistic kids often feel very out of control and sometimes aggression is a way we can try to exercise some control in our own lives. It’s not the best solution to the problem, but the discrimination and mischaracterization we experience limits our choices. At least, it makes them feel much more limited, especially when it comes to trying to defend our boundaries or sense of self worth. Think of this in terms of fight or flight reactions, which are close to and fuel meltdowns.
How to Stop an Autistic Child from Hitting
This is an area where it is good to ask autistic adults, because each kid is different and collecting advice from people who have struggled with their own aggression will help you.
Remember that a lot of autistic aggression comes from a place of fight or flight. Many autistic adults will tell you that they find themselves unable to control their own bodies when in this state. Losing control of your body can also be traumatic. Addressing what triggers this state will help, but this is often a very complicated process.
Researching treatments for PTSD can help. There is a lot of overlap in how autistic meltdowns and trauma reactions affect the body.
What to Do
Reach out to other autistic people for support and insight.
Work to identify and respond to your kid’s needs. Preventing aggression is going to be a daily practice of regulation and building responses to future outbursts.
What Not to Do
Don’t forget that autonomy and personal agency are important to everyone’s emotional wellbeing. If your kid is aggressive or lashing out, look for what might be limiting these areas of their life.
Don’t hesitate to change schools, daycares, decorations, or social circles if they are causing consistent stress in your child.
About the writer
I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America. I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.