How to Calm Your Autistic Child [including during Meltdowns]
By: Vanessa Blanchard
Providing a safe sensory environment is one of the core ways an autistic kid will be able to calm down.
Each child is different.
Some common needs are quiet, personal space, dim lighting, and gentle pressure touch (like weighted blankets).
Some kids will want no stimulation, some will need a specific kind to help soothe their minds and bodies.
What is Stimming?
Stimming is a primary way that autistic people self-regulate. It’s anything that involves the senses in an immersive way, whether it’s gaming, watching glitter cascade through water, wearing comfy clothes, or enjoying the texture of some water beads.
Everyone stims, but autistic people seem especially drawn to it and its benefits. It’s often indispensable in coping with sensory overwhelm.
It’s important to let your kid use sensory play to meet their sensory needs. Letting them do this when they are calm -- or to express happiness -- will make it easier for them to successfully calm themselves down when they are in crisis mode.
Remember, even happy emotions can overwhelm and regulating emotions is a lifelong practice for all people.
What to Do
Give your kids space and ask them what they need. Keep your language simple and let them respond with behaviors, as words often fail us when we’re distressed.
Make a care kit of their favorite stims so that things are more routine and predictable for them during a crisis.
What Not to Do
Don’t punish them for being distressed. A lot of our aggression and self-harm behaviors are rooted in deep, deep pain or frustration. A meltdown is an involuntary neurological reaction. It can’t be prevented, only responded to.
Don’t bombard them with questions. Autistic people often don’t process information well when upset.
About the writer
I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America. I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.