Bullying in The Workplace

By: Vanessa Blanchard

This is the third post in a series of posts about bullying @ work - worst jobs for autistic people.

Finding jobs for autistic people that don’t involve heaps of bullying and discrimination can be quite challenging.  The impact of having employment that leaves you burned out and traumatized can be long-lasting and the discrimination we face is pervasive.

It’s why unemployment rates among autistic adults are as high as 85%.  People just don’t make room for us in traditional employment.  They don’t even try to learn or understand. 

A Girl in a Candle Store

When I was 20 years old, I left home and got a job at a candle store.  My first day on that job, I was promoted to assistant manager.  My boss seemed quite impressed with me, but I didn’t understand why.

I wasn’t ready for the position.  I was fresh out of an abusive home with no life skills to speak of.  I was facing full adulthood -- alone -- with a learning disability, a developmental disability, and PTSD, none of which I knew about.

But people don’t have to have terms like autism or ADHD to observe that something was wrong and judge/discriminate against it.  The way I was treated changed rapidly.

Very quickly, my boss began making confusing and critical comments to me.  Everything I did was wrong, and I could feel her disdain, even when she wasn’t around.

She’d leave nasty notes to people and my name adorned many of them.  Or she’d leave them with no name so everyone would have to read them to know who it was for.  She spoke to me less and less, except to criticize me or tell me she was tired of people talking about her.  

Eventually, almost all of my shifts were alone.  She worked with a different manager who was her friend.  Then I’d work with one other employee for part of a shift so I could get breaks and spend the majority of the shift alone.  I remember looking at the schedule and realizing I was the only one scheduled to be alone like that.  That hurt.

We shared a shift once where I wore the wrong outfit and she was very offended.  Someone else had to tell me that my outfit placed me on the same hierarchical level as her, which I hadn’t known was something to worry about.

She was also constantly suspicious of me.  I once called out because of a flat tire and she thought I was lying.  Then someone dropped off the tire iron I forgot and she once again thought I was lying.  

After nine months, I put in my two weeks notice.  On my second to last shift she said to me, “Let’s just get through this.  You won’t be missed.”

I couldn’t go back for my last shift.  She called my house shouting about how I was screwing them over.

The Aftermath of This One Single Job

I left that job thinking I had a terrible work ethic.  I felt judged and ostracized.  I knew I had done a lot to rebel in that environment.  My attitude was, “If you don’t like me, I don’t care about this job.”

Sometimes someone decides you’re trash, or disappointing or something, and there’s nothing you can do.  I was an annoying kid back then, with a ton of difficulties I was only beginning to understand. But I once had to work a nine hour shift with a fever because no one would cover for me and I did it.  I was othered before I rebelled, even if I needed a healthier style of rebellion.

I think that’s a common trajectory with bad management and that I wasn’t the only bullied person in that place.  Still, I ran into her years later and had a strong PTSD reaction to her.  I was fully frozen, face burning with shame that she could even see me.  

I think that the surprise of being bullied was part of what made it so impactful for me.  I had shown up to do my thing and was praised for it.  Then, over time and still doing my thing, I was increasingly disappointing.  I remember being very confused often and was always the last person to realize how people felt about me.

The horrible, off base, bad faith takes on who we autistic people are haunt us.  And over time, it becomes our canon.  Our inner dialogue. It takes a lot of effort to fight back against that.

Upon Reflection

Over the years, this dynamic would play out again and again.  I was impressive until I wasn’t and then I was driven out.  But I show up and put forth my best efforts.  That has also been constant.  The discrimination that I face trying to find a job as an autistic person is not about what I actually have to offer.  It’s a reflection of a system that needs changing.

My experience isn’t unique to me.  It’s one of the biggest risks involved in trying to find jobs for autistic people.  We end up with “problematic” work histories when we can’t protect ourselves from this dynamic.  If we’re going to improve upon that unemployment rate, we’re going to need to find a better system of employment for us autistic folk.